Get into the habit of using more sensitive speech, and you can boost team performance. It's not as hard as it sounds.

As someone who is closer to the end than the beginning of his career, I’m aware of how hard change can be. The evolution of personal pronouns like they and them can be a difficult thing for those of us who didn’t grow up with the concept. But using the correct pronoun is showing simple respect for a coworker. If someone named Theodore asks to be called that, constantly referring to him as Teddy would be passive aggressive and downright rude.

According to Amanda Cole, executive director of Cleveland, Ohio-based Plexus LGBTQ & Allied Chamber of Commerce, language is always evolving. Pronouns are nothing more than ways to replace a person’s name in conversation.

“Sometimes, we hear a lot of pushback around ‘they’ and ‘them,’ because they are plural, but they and them are also singular in use, and always have been,” she said.

Cole shared the example of seeing a masculine person having car problems on the side of the road and asking her wife, “Should we stop and help them?” This usage has long been recognized as perfectly acceptable. Cole said she practices using them as the default in these sorts of situations to help re-wire her brain and not make assumptions about people through her language.

Cole said that when we add our pronouns to our Zoom screennames, business cards, or email signatures, it lessens the potential for error.

“What I’m doing in that situation is taking out the guesswork. Hopefully, I’m also making it easier to start a conversation with someone who gets misgendered. If we’re sharing our pronouns, it can make people feel included,” she said. “Ideally, it slows us down, so we stop making assumptions about how somebody identifies.”

For some people, Cole noted, being misgendered is inconvenient. But it can make others feel like they don’t belong and cause psychological pain. It’s also dangerous, opening people up to harassment and discrimination.

Importantly, mistakes will happen and that’s okay. In these situations, a quick response of, “I’m so sorry I made that mistake. Thanks for correcting me,” is the best strategy.

Cole suggested avoiding gendered expressions when addressing groups or people. Rather than saying “ladies and gentlemen” or “guys,”  use inclusive, gender-neutral terms such as  folks, friends, team, or everyone .

The positive impact of inclusive and thoughtful language applies beyond the LGBTQ community. Cole explained how other assumptions can hurt. For instance, it may seem harmless to ask a new female coworker whether she has children. But if she has struggled with infertility for years, that could be a difficult question to answer each time she meets someone new. Cole explained that she likes to instead ask people, “Do you have any young people in your life?” This allows people who are childless to pivot to details about others they’re close with, such as nieces and nephews.

Similarly, if a person’s a name is difficult for you to pronounce, it’s your job to practice that pronunciation, Cole said.

“Then it’s on me to practice getting comfortable saying your name,” she explained. “Your name is really important. I don’t want to make you feel invisible, I don’t want to make you feel ‘less than,’ by getting your name wrong.”

“In our allyship, we’re trying to be mindful and treat people the way they want to be treated,” Cole said. “Twisting the golden rule into ‘I’m going to treat you the way I want to be treated — so you’re going to eat tomatoes because I like tomatoes’ doesn’t get us very far or make any sense.”

“Why would I say ‘no’ to learning something new? Why would I say ‘no’ to doing something differently if it means that this person gets to be in my life?”